Darkness was my guide,

behind a book, I’d hide.

Blind to beauty others saw,

deaf to music in crow’s caw.


Then one day He came near,

a light turned on so clear.

Felt radiant, full of joy,

until with sin, I would toy.


Quickly ran astray,

away from the light of day.

I thought romance was my chance,

flirted with lusts and decadence.


Went to magic, darker arts.

demonic studies played the part

of witches, superstitions call,

into selfish living I would fall.


Before my last year of high school,

asked forgiveness for being a fool.

Felt quiet joy in my heart,

but a storm of thoughts would start.


Cyclone thoughts and images filled my mind,

hope left, despair would bind.

Raw heart, white-hot burned,

no corner could be turned.


Life on superficial,

enemies I would wish ill-

confusion in the empty mind,

truth elusive to find.


Music buoyed me up,

self-hatred filled my cup.

Years of despair, cold, and lust,

my faith collecting so much dust.


Committed outside faith,

a ghostly walking wraith.

So much rage and sin desires,

with a coldly blazing fire.


Tried to work my salvation out,

constantly plagued with doubt.

No victory over sin,

puppetmaster deep within.


Hope would come, gently call,

would make a start, then quickly fall.

Struggled with my foolish pride,

unforgiveness festered inside.


Unstable to those around,

my footing never seemed found.

Chase unbelief, and fall,

back into the devil’s thrall.


Seek Him once again,

with those I love, family, friends.

Through explosions path led many astray,

some my children, to this day.


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