“You didn’t think. ” Her voice was steadily getting louder. She choked the forceful tone back, swallowed, then abruptly rose and made a beeline for the bathroom down the hall. She wrestled with the anger force that tried to bubble up in her, and managed to gently close and lock the door. The tiny bathroom had maybe 10 square feet to it, taken mostly up by a free-standing, lime-scaled sink, a toilet in an odd shade of green, and a full-size bathtub in the same earthy green. With everything being older, it never looked clean. Their fixer upper. She slowly lowered herself onto the toilet lid, hot tears leaking out. Maybe I should do the movie thing of go over the sink and splash my face with water, she thought. Instead, she pushed the heels of her hands into her eyelids.
Sarah allowed herself to weep for a bit, then it tapered off. Finally, she just stayed in the same position, and a raw dryness inside throbbed. They had been working so hard.
“Lord, we are supposed to be a team. Why wouldn’t he ask me? I know I am his helpmate, but don’t you want us debt free? Don’t you want us to each put the other first?” She rubbed the back of her hand over her cheeks, her nose, ran fingers through her tangled hair. So tired. Rising, she exited the bathroom. She stopped at the entrance to the living room. Her husband had cleared everything off, and the scent of candle smoke hung in the air.
“I am going to turn in. I have to go to work early.” She could hear the hoarseness in her voice. His back was to her in the wood-paneled kitchen, at the small sink. She heard the start and stop of the water and clanking of dishes, and he said something quietly, that she didn’t catch. Dully, she turned around and went into their room. This room had only the absolute essentials of a closet, dresser, and bed in it. She quickly undressed and collapsed into the bed, pulling the comforter up to her nose.
Next thing she knew, the alarm’s urgent call blared. A huge sigh and yawn escaped her, and she started to pull the covers up higher, then thought better of it and forced herself to stand. Just had to get past that initial wall of drowsiness by moving, and she would be ok. Sarah glanced back and saw her husband sleeping, his back to her.
In the shower, she barely moved at first, while the needles of water hit her. On impulse, she caught some of the shower water in her mouth, swished, then spit it out. A quick head-to-toe soaping and shampooing up, rinse, and she was done. She didn’t want to get caught in the cold water.
Dressed in record time, she went in front of the mirror to apply her little bit of makeup that made her look less tired. Lord, grant me the grace to do what needs to be done today. Thank you for a new day. Please help me act as I should to my husband, and give me the wisdom to know what’s right. In Jesus’ name, Amen. As she finished her quick prayer, there was a tentative knock at the door.
Lord, grant me the grace to do what needs to be done today. Thank you for a new day. Please help me act as I should to my husband, and give me the wisdom to know what’s right. In Jesus’ name, Amen. As she finished her quick prayer, there was a tentative knock at the door.
As she finished her quick prayer, there was a tentative knock at the door.
“Come in.” She reached for her deodorant.
The door opened slowly, with a faint squeak. Her husband had gray rings under his eyes, a five-o-clock shadow in a pale ginger, and glassy green eyes. She could feel her hardened heart soften at his appearance.
“I’ve been praying all night,” he croaked, “and have decided to leave up to you if I go to the interview. I didn’t mean to leave you out of the decision. I love you, and am so sorry-”
She turned and wrapped her arms around him, her face pressed to his chest.
“I’m sorry I flew off the handle. You can do this if you really are sure it’s in God’s will. I will support it, as long as you are sure. I love you. I am worried about bills, but I know Jesus promised if we put Him first, he would take care of us.”
He gently embraced her in return, his voice lighter. ” I will be really careful and really sure. Are you sure it’s fine with you, though?” He pulled her back to study her eyes as she listened.
She smiled, and it was a real smile.
“I love you, and I am with you on this.”
As she headed out the door that morning, she started whistling.